Success Eitquette

Author:  Rhonda Sciortino,

True success requires an understanding and implementation of etiquette. I’m certainly no expert in this area, but I’ve learned a few things along the way. I wish someone had shared this with me when I was out on my own after a dysfunctional childhood. Here’s to YOUR success!

Success Etiquette #1:  Say “Thank you.” When someone does something for you or pays you a compliment, say, “Thank you, that’s so nice of you to say.” If the comment or gesture is significant, hand write a thank you note and send it reasonably soon after the event.

Success Etiquette #2:  Speak positively about others. If you don’t have something positive, helpful, or encouraging to say, then don’t say anything at all. Every moment of silence does not have to be filled.

Success Etiquette #3:  Do not lie, ever! If someone asks you what you think of a hideous shirt or unflattering new hair style, be diplomatic by saying something like, “I like how healthy and shiny your hair looks,” or “Blue makes your eyes stand out.” Remaining truthful while artfully avoiding hurting the person is a learned skill. Practice.

Success Etiquette #4:  Avoid heated arguments by listening to the opinions of others, then expressing your thoughts calmly and diplomatically. Avoid the arrogance of giving the impression that your opinion is the only correct one. Rather, suggest it’s one to which you are entitled.

Success Etiquette #5:  Do not interrupt while another person is speaking. Instead, wait until the other person has completed his or her thought, then interject your thoughts. If there isn’t a natural break in the conversation and you have something to add, just say, “Excuse me, may I interject?”

Success Etiquette #6:  Listen to others. Many people are so busy thinking about what they’re going to say next that they fail to truly to listen to others. If others are talking nonstop, and you’re afraid you won’t remember what you want to say, make a note.

Success Etiquette #7:  Apologize when you do or say something that has hurt someone or when you’ve failed to do what you should have done. Sometimes a simple apology doesn’t make it entirely right. When that’s the case, offer to somehow make it up to the person.

Success Etiquette #8:  Admit when you’re wrong. When you find you’re wrong about something, say so. You can do it with humor or with a statement like, “It so irritates me to be wrong, but I have to admit, I was wrong.”

Success Etiquette #9:  Defend your friends. Being a loyal friend is invaluable. If a friend is criticized unfairly or lied about, say something like, “Lynn is a close friend of mine. I’m sure she had a good reason for what she did. I hope you’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. I do.”

Success Etiquette #10:  Use humor to lighten tense situations or relieve pressure. Be careful to NEVER say or do anything that could possibly be offensive to anyone. For example, never tell an obscene, vulgar, racial, or otherwise derogatory comment or joke. Never make a joke at someone else’s expense. Self-deprecating humor, laughing at one’s self, is the safest use of humor.

Success Etiquette #11:  Never brag because it demonstrates insecurity and diminishes your reputation with others. If someone begins bragging around you, acting disinterested is the best way to handle the braggart.

Success Etiquette #12:  Refuse to gossip. Refuse to participate or engage in talking about someone else behind his or her back. Even if the information is true, never talk about it with someone who can do nothing to help the situation.

Success Etiquette #13:  Do not complain. Refuse to be the person who finds something wrong with everything and everyone and who feels it necessary to point it out to anyone who will listen. It’s depressing for others to be around a person who constantly complains. Don’t be that person.

Success Etiquette #14:  Avoid potentially touchy situations and never ask someone who is not a close personal friend how old he/she is, how much he/she weighs, if she is pregnant, if he/she has ever had cosmetic surgery, if he/she is married, why he/she has no children, or any other personal information.

Success Etiquette #15:  Turn off your cell phone when you’re with others.  Never take a call, write a text, or check emails when you’re with someone. If you’re expecting an important call, tell that to the people you’re with and keep your phone visible. When the expected call comes in, excuse yourself, take the call and end it as quickly as possible. Apologize and thank the people you’re with for their patience.

Success Etiquette #16:  Introduce yourself with your first and last name. This demonstrates professionalism and confidence. When introducing other people, always use last names, and if you know the company affiliation of the people or something complimentary about them, or what they may have in common, include that. For example, “John Smith, please meet Jane
Doe—you two are both tennis enthusiasts.”

Success Etiquette #17:  Offer to help. When you notice someone carrying a heavy burden, struggling to open a door, or staying late to get a job done, offer a helping hand.

Success Etiquette #18:  Look your best. Personal grooming and cleanliness is extremely important. If you have tattoos, cover them. Ladies, never wear your top too low or skirts or dresses too high. Doing so doesn’t attract success or the right kind of person. Gentlemen, use what other successful men wear as a model for your style.

Success Etiquette #19:  Good posture indicates confidence and self-respect. Poor posture indicates insecurity. You may feel insecure, but don’t telegraph it through poor posture. Sit up and stand up straight, shoulders back, chin up, with a smile—ready to take on the world and WIN.

Success Etiquette #20:  Avoid drugs and alcohol. To be successful in the present economy requires every available brain cell. Substances that intoxicate kill brain cells. Do not allow yourself to get too relaxed in the presence of others. For example, drinking with co-workers while off-duty could result in you doing or saying something that will get back to your boss and destroy your opportunity for advancement.

Success Etiquette #21:  Remember birthdays and special occasions. You don’t have to have a lot of money to give a thoughtful gift to a friend. You can, for example, write out your feelings for a loved one, write a complimentary story you remember about the person, gather the comments and signatures of multiple friends onto one card, or frame a photograph or some keepsake. Many gifts are quickly forgotten, but a personalized gift will be treasured.

Success Etiquette #22:  Write thank you notes. When someone gives you a gift, pays for your lunch, or extends a kindness, write a handwritten note of thanks to the person. Email runs a very distant second to actually receiving a written card, but it is better than nothing.

Success Etiquette #23:  Pay compliments, especially to those who serve you. Mention a cheerful smile, prompt service, or a noticed characteristic. For example, “You’re always so patient.”

Success Etiquette #24:  Always ask if it’s a good time to talk. When you call someone, don’t just launch into whatever you called about. Ask first if you’ve caught the person at a bad time or if he or she has a few minutes to talk. If the person says he or she is busy, ask when you should call again.

Success Etiquette #25:  Ask for advice. Commit yourself to be a lifelong learner. When you find someone who is good at something, whether it is customer service, closing a sale, raising a child, or making the best potato salad you’ve ever tasted, ask what advice he or she can give you to improve in the area of his or her expertise. Be careful to take advice from people who are successful in a given area.

Success Etiquette #26:  Be a leader. We should all lead others toward treating people right and making right choices. To be a good leader, we must do what we want others to do and live the way we would like to lead others to live. We must earn the respect of those we would like to follow us.

Success Etiquette #27:  Never be envious of others. Celebrate the successes of others. No one else’s success diminishes your ability to achieve personal and professional success—even in the case of a co-worker who gets the promotion you hoped for. There is another position or a better opportunity for you. Envy and other negative emotions will only repel good things that would otherwise come your way.

Success Etiquette #28:  Good manners are essential to success. Say please, thank you, you’re welcome, how are you, it’s good to see you, how have you been, etc., and truly mean what you say. Compulsory manners are obvious and are seen as condescension or rudeness.

Success Etiquette #29:  Be mature or at least act that way. Acting immaturely will damage relationships and destroy your ability to get ahead in the workplace. No one wants to be with or do business with a selfish, self-centered person who throws a tantrum or pouts when things don’t go his or her way.

Success Etiquette #30:  Be courteous. Courtesy is an attitude of helpfulness, a politeness. Being courteous shows a respect for others. It doesn’t mean that you agree with everything others say or do. But it acknowledges his or her entitlement to be there and to have an opinion.

About the author:  Rhonda Sciortino, author of Succeed Because of What You’ve Been Through, is the National Child Welfare Specialist for Markel Insurance Company. Rhonda is a foster alum who chairs the Successful Survivors Foundation and serves as a spokesperson for Foster Care Alumni of America. Her weekly radio show can be heard at www.rhondasradiosh